A Medical Student's Journey into Grief
image by Framer
This story is about a woman from the ED
She had fallen several days earlier on her deck
which caused her to have a black eye
She and her partner were concerned
they went to the family doctor
Two days later
they were assured everything was fine for now
The next day, she started to feel quite ill,
vomiting,
feeling lightheaded
She was sitting with her husband on the bed and the husband decided to call 911
He left her to sit there while he let the paramedics in at the front
When they came to get her, she was face down on the bed
The paramedics immediately ran a code
But she was in cardiac arrest in an unshockable rhythm
At the ED, we performed 3 rounds of chest compressions
Before calling time of death
I did one round and
Those were the longest 2 minutes of my life
I was present during the breaking of bad news to the partner
I could see his anguish,
so upset they hadn’t come to the ED,
but at the same time,
everything happened so quickly and it was such a shock to him to lose his wife of 50 years in this way
I watched my supervisor deliver the news
noted his tone and how he opened with
“We did everything we could, but she passed”
straight to the point
my first loss--heartbreaking
but nothing compared
to the loss of this man in front of me,
sobbing,
weeping,
for his lost wife.
How to regain composure after such a moment?
Those two minutes felt like an eternity—
how to overcome my overwhelming helplessness
in the moment
where I could do nothing for that woman.
After the incident, I spoke with a mentor, who advised me to reflect on the experience and learn from it, rather than being overwhelmed by it. He said, “In our profession, you will face loss, but it’s how you cope and continue that defines you as a physician.”
I took his advice to heart.
I allowed myself to grieve,
and sought support from colleagues and friends.
Talking about the experience helped me process it.
Over time, I found that sharing my story with others who faced similar situations provided a sense of solidarity and understanding.
To others who might find themselves in the same position, I would say:
Allow yourself to feel the pain, but don't let it paralyze you.
Seek support, learn from the experience, and remember that every loss teaches us something valuable.
We become stronger and more compassionate practitioners because of these moments.
As for how I am doing now,
I honour the memory of my first loss by striving to be better for my future patients.
This experience has made me more resilient and has deepened my commitment to providing compassionate care.
Through this journey, I learned that while the pain of loss is inevitable, it also shapes us into more empathetic and understanding individuals.
We carry forward the lessons learned and use them to help others in their moments of need.